Frozen not Dead

        When the lake freezes over as it is now, my mom always said it looked dead.  She didn’t like it.  But it’s not dead.  I was reminded of that yesterday as I saw two guys ice fishing on Elk Lake.  True, the fish slow down to conserve energy.  They digest their food slower and they go into a hibernation-like state.  But they’re not dead, just adapting to the colder environment.

        This makes me think of those who are suffering from Alzheimer’s – my mom included.  As we have dealt with this disease for over ten years now, it has shown that my mom’s brain may be “frozen” but definitely not dead.  The diagnosis was the scariest for mom as she is a retired nurse and knowing how she would slowly loose her mental functions was devastating.   However, we still had many good years together, years she no longer remembers, but I do. Just as the fish slow down in activity, mom’s capacity to function daily also slowed down. 

        However, people who suffer from Alzheimer’s are often portrayed as mentally stunted, or as almost in a zombie-like state – that their brains just don’t function anymore.  As we have experienced nothing could be further from the truth.  Mom’s brain has gone through severe changes physically which has led to mental changes as well.  She is no longer living in the present, but quite often is in the past.  Frozen in time.  However, this does not mean that she is mentally dead.  In fact I have learned quite a bit about her childhood and how she felt as a child by talking with her when she is in the “past” times.  Even though it is difficult for her to express herself verbally these days, we can still communicate and I am able to get a picture of my mom in earlier periods of her life. 

        Just as the ice on the water ebbs at the shore and water appears until the next cold spell snaps, there are times of clarity when mom knows who we are and we have a conversation as of old.  These times are becoming fewer, so each moment of clarity is like a diamond on the water when the sun shines on the lake.

        Through this horrible experience though, mom’s personality has shown through.  It’s as if even though the lake is frozen, anyone coming up to the lake knows that it is a lake, just in a different state of fluidity.  The same is true of Alzheimer sufferers.  It may be in the way they tilt their head, their laugh, their smile, or as in my mom’s case, how she still likes to have her hair colored and her nails done. 

        Mom may be frozen right now, but she will be active and free again when she is a citizen of Heaven.